marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
