Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
