I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
