allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
