We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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