i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
