i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
