He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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