I need help removing her.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
