if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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