Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
