I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
