i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
dude. I can hear the air.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
