Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh god it's open bar.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
