He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
