Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
