new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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