I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
