she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
