my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't turn off my feet"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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