just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
