based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
