i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
