Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
