I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i think i have herpe
just one?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
