I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
