i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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