I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was so not down for the gang bang
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
