I can text with my tongue
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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