just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
