I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
