Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
