I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
