HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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