When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
