I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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