i would punch a child for taco bell
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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