What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I want to have your abortion
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize