no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
