i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
