I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
