Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
