I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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