I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
