In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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