This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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