you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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