She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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