ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize