Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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