If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize