Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
