and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
