farters have to be the big spoon...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
