and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
