I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He felt like a one man threesome
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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