It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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