a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
