I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We named our party play list daddy issues
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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