i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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