I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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