take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
