there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
