You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
