best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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