we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
