I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
